Comments from Bic, Jess E. and Craigbelow...

Guest Columnist Kirk K.

June 10, 2003

I just don’t get it. How does it happen? Is there a special sign or hand-shake?

Being a fairly sexual being for most of my life (and for many more years to come – I hope), I have had the fantasy of seeing some hot chick at a bar, or party, or somewhere where hot chicks exist, and eventually knockin’ boots with her. But that is all that it ever was – a fantasy. I don’t think I have even had a hint of a chance to hook up with a girl that I had met for the first time! Sure, on the dance floor (where I used to spend a majority of my time), a lot of young (and old) ladies will bump butts with you, or maybe two of them will “sandwich” you, but I have never had the illusion that a hip-check was a precursor to sex. I’ve heard this phenomenon referred to as hooking up. It is a mystery to me, so I have a few questions for you crazy kids who have hooked-up or who have “friends” that may have hooked up.

Here’s the scenario: You are sitting at a bar and you make eye contact with a delicious young thing. This continues on for a few hours and you finally get the balls to go over to her or maybe buy her a drink. Eventually you start some small talk, make a few jokes, and start working your way into her personal space. How do you then segue into, “So, you wanna f*ck?” (in not so many words)? Does one person offer to have the other come over to their place? I don’t know about you, but in this day and age I don’t want any strangers over to my place, specially after chugging a few dozen beers. I think it would even more scary for a woman bringing a guy back to her pad. There are lots of freaks out there.

OK, you played the game, Rico Suave, and, after some smooth talking, you end up at her place. You both know that you are not there to play Parcheesi (which happens to be the royal game of India). So do you even mess around with the small talk or do you just start disrobing and groping the crap out each other? Is it necessary to light some candles and put on mood music? I would think not. Then what if she gets the “icks” (as seen previously in PB)? How humiliating would it be for a guy, or girl, to get half-naked only to have the other person get grossed out (for whatever reason) and ask you to leave. You start thinking that maybe your breath stinks or maybe you are too well endowed for her (that last one would maybe not be true, but it might help to bring your spirits up a little). You’d then spend the rest of the ride/walk home trying to figure where you went wrong and why your nuts feel so heavy and painful (see the Duck Butter article on “Blue Balls”).

To keep this scenario going, she does not get the “icks” and the two of you do end up between the sheets. As a guy, I would hope that I have my “A” game going. The last thing you need is a “false start”, or worse, when you are trying to impress her. Then again, maybe you don’t care since she is just a one night conquest. Hell, you’ll probably never see her again anyway. I’d be hoping for some repeat business, but that’s just the perfectionist in me coming out. How high do you go in the freaky-sex factor? Do you try to pull some tricks out of your bag or do you just keep it simple? You want her to remember the experience but yet you don’t want her to kick your ass out of there for being too kinky. It must be a delicate balance. I’d go conservative and let her decide how crazy to get.

You finish up the act and now you have time to reflect a bit. Do you leave right away or do you catch some winks and maybe hope to go another round in the AM? I guess it depends on how thick the beer goggles are that night. You may have a “coyote morning”, where you’d rather chew your arm off than wake her up cause she/he is so butt-ugly.

The psychological aftermath of a hook up must be interesting. As a guy, it is more socially acceptable to have a one night stand, but what about for the ladies? Do you feel guilty? Were you really looking for more than sex? I am guessing that a lot of girls are thinking that giving it up will land a boyfriend, whereas guys are just trying to break off a chunk. Nonetheless, I imagine both had a good time and will probably repeat these chain of events many more times.

Let me know your thoughts or experiences. I am curious to find out how all of this plays out from beginning to end. I suppose that each experience is unique, but there still has to be the basic progression that everyone goes through. I would really like to here the women’s side of it, although I will appreciate any and all feedback.

Happy reading.

June 11, 2003

Back in the day when hooking up was a part-time gig, I still couldn't muster the courage to take it to the limits. I grew up like most of the Sartell cronies, playing Nintendo under the watchful eyes of our parents. The thought of kissing a girl was "out of this world". That innocence carried over to college, well in some form anyway. Whether it was the fear of commitment, STD's, pregnancy or you name it, I was scared of delivering the goods. However, I wasn't scared of spending the night or whatever it takes to obtain just a piece of the action and keep future options open. Combining a series of these pieces, I eventually built up the courage to go for the whole pie. What I'm trying to say is that most of the people that view geeks on the web have values. These values keep us out of these sorts of situations, and when we do feel like letting our guard down it leads to us wanting more than just a one night thing

Craig

June 11, 2003

personally (this is coming from the 'icks' girl), i just get the icks thinking about finding some random guy at a bar and going home with him. what is the point really? can't you just take care of these things by yourself? i mean if you're at a bar and really horny, just go take care of it in the bathroom. don't you find it a bit disgusting penetrating (or being penetrated) someone that you don't know at ALL? don't you ever think about the fact that she could've just been penetrated by that 'fat bastard' look-a-like? or more seriously, someone that has itchy rashes down there they just happened to 'forget' to tell you about? potentially, you are sharing those insides with someone else. i find the need to gain some trust in someone first, maybe just a couple dates worth of trust. i am not a prude by any means, i have had my one nighters, and i personally can't wait til that 3rd date when i feel some sort of right to get down to business. but at least know their last
name, what their face looks like. i understand boys, that all you ever want is to stick your jimmy somewhere warm, but just know that if a girl
actually lets you do this right after you meet at some random place.......she has done this before, and probably as recent as the night before. and it probably wasn't with some brad pitt look-a-like who just happened to be a virgin AND wearing a condom. think rationally before you turn fantasy into reality. you don't have to find the girl of your dreams to get with, but at least try to pick someone CLEAN! ICKKKKKKK!!!!!!!

Jess E.

June 18, 2003

I don't know if you've heard, but sex--being physical with someone--feels good. And believe it or not, women find "physical relations" quite enjoyable. (Sex feels good). We don't engage in casual sex, casual making out, casual walking on the street, casual breathing, etc. only to "snag" a boyfriend/significant (Overrated!). My girl friends and I know many women who pick up guys, engage in casual sex/making out--And want to have nothing to do with the guys the next morning. (Sex feels good). Sure, there may be some women who "give it up" in attempts to find a boyfriend, but this isn't the norm. All people (and the last time I checked women are people) have physical (Hello, hormones!), emotional, and mental needs. The intimacy and physicality that comes with sex fulfills these (primal) needs (albeit for only a short time) to be loved, feel good, (procreate), etc. And while "hooking up" with random people may not always be the smartest thing to do, it doesn't make women (or men) "sluts," immoral/valueless, or bad people. (Sex feels good). At any rate, the lesson here is that sex feels good and women like feeling good. Whether or not women are completely satisfied with their sexual encounters...Well, that's another issue altogether....

Bic

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