(from Bill) Ah, a new season, a new-look squad…even a new sports reporter! On Tuesday night, Nature’s Engineers began construction of another Championship Beaver Den with a 3-0 dismantling of Safe Sets. Craig brought his usual intensity along with some great serves. (One was a trick double-toss secret serve and another was a testosterone-filled power serve.) Bic also did some nice serving for a couple stretches. She also was not shy about setting up Bill for numerous “spikes” into the net. Steph and Trina were merciless in their treatment of our opponents. As was Pat, though he may have struck more fear into them with his powerful hits than the actual results as a number of his shots were a little long. The Safe Sets crew appeared to be new to the game and may have been permanently scarred by the losses. They, and the rest of the league, should be scared as well. Even without all the regulars and without everyone performing at the top of their game, the Beavers looked like champions. FYI, Beavers are herbivores and can have SIGNIFICANT problems digesting all-you-can-eat KFC. In the future, newcomers to the Beavers squad should be advised to take heed of their natural limitations.

Was it just me, or did that gym smell like Miller Lite? Yes, I'm a dorkski. Sorry about that. I promise you, by the end of the night, I was once again seeing one of everyone. Well, enough with my alcoholism (step seven is denial... what alcoholism?)... on to the games. The Beavs played tough facing a strong hitting, mistake-free, consistent Fantastics. The first game could have gone either way (yes, that means we lost game one). Game two was the Beavs time to shine (yes, that means we won game two). I wish we could stop there (yes, that means that we got creamed in game three). Unfortunate, that the third game tarnished what were two pretty decent first games. Kudos to the big man as Keith continued the evolution process (both in relationship maturity and net play). Maybe we should all get tatoos (and show them off in the hall)? Sorry, not sure where this recap is going. Remember, keep it short, complain if it gets too long, find a poetry dictionary, start filling out those blouses, load film in your camrea (uh-hum), don't use a closet as a bathroom, change your arguing stance within 30 seconds, be sure to bring a camera to a porn convention and place your orders. Only 12 shopping days left.

"Oh the Habitat for Humanity!" - Being left shorthanded by our short-heighted, the Beavs were a disaster early on dropping the first game as four scrambled to cover the entire court. That Other Guy (AKA Troy) was the only one keeping us in the game with some crosscourt comets. Riding the spark provided by the arrival of the Short Female Asian, the poor passing of the Big Goon (on their team), crucial blocks by the Tall Girl, and an unbelievable spiking display by Goatee, the Damn Builders stomped out game two. Although we paused for a short intermission to quietly discuss with the exceptional referee the rules of setting (yeah, they're not very good at that), the Beavs took number three playing a FOCUSED game with our Tall Guy keeping our heads in the match and our Good Girl playing her typical consistent style. Well played Beavers! What? What did you say? I can't hear you. I said "Well Played Beavers!" What did you say? Forget it.

By they way, I'm taking the name Jason. You best bet that you'll be funding my grub when I return in three weeks (yes, somebody better start buying [and cashing in] those lottery tickets). Play hard. Have fun. Yell at opponents and refs when necessary.

(from Bic) What a bizarre night. So many things were OFF on so many levels. We couldn't serve-receive to save our lives. Play was stopped on all three courts at one point as Spazzy (Thou shall not swear) ref screamed at everyone to get some kids out of the gym. And we lost all three games! Despite being out of the country (stuffing his belly), Pitter's influence still remained. Our good ol' friend not only had the "cards" in her pocket this week, but was generous enough to give a pretty yellow one to us ("What's that?" "Do you want a red card?" "No, but what's it for?" "Do you want a red card?" "NO, just tell us what it's for"). One small little comment from--you guessed it--Craig, and we got "warned." Talk about grudges. No matter. Let's shake it off and work on deleting some things from our repertoire: 1) premature cheering; 2) overhand hits from the deep back row; and 3) shank-passes. Keep the swearing. And the raging. Next week--RED card time (Only ONE point)! Pssst. Somebody check to see how many red cards will get us ejected.

And hey, Hooks-ky, how's that "action" list coming along? Remember to keep it in the realm of the achievable.

(from Craig) There was something in the air in the Gym... "Dee was that you in the can?" asked Keith under his breath. After diverting the blame, this night was filled with a lot of high fives instead of the finger pointing of their last weeks performance. Earlier in the day, the team focused their attention to the coach's corner. His pep rally focused their attention and it was evident in their style of play. Keith was hitting 10 footers and seemed like Andre the Giant as he had their opponents scrambling, even though his feet rarely needed to leave the floor. Trina was using all of her guns, despite their departure south. Dee was pounding, more down then ever according to one eye witness. Stephy roofed the "light on his feet jump suit guy" and prompted team wide celebration. Bic was a digging machine, as she threw her bruise filled body to the floor. Thank goodness for those much larger than B breasts to support her fall, because there was no way her "dry as a beaver" body was going to slide. Craig's best play came after the match was already decided when he blocked the ball right back into his opponents face, good thing he didn't have lip disease. Even though the match seemed to be won with ease, it may have been the most fun. Undoubtedly it was just what the doctor ordered as the Nature's Engineers pelted their way back into winning.

Minneapolis keep an eye out for an Asian Sharon Stone, a puking Schlichting, a guy walking his dog, a water bra, a foreign exchange student's return, and a guy drinking from the boot this weekend.

I call it last night in a nutshell: Dry as a beaver - Almost lost my damn wallet - Glass has lip disease.

(from Craig) Due to poor captainmanship, the team was prepared to face what they thought to be a slouch team. Mintalar Family Dental was far from an underdog, and undeniably they had the most athletic hitter in the league. Was this mistake of improperly labeling our opponents our Captain's way of giving the squad an edge and feeling of dominance? Well, truthfully it was just stupidity . Setting that aside, the Captain did make a blockbuster deal by signing Paul to a one day contract with future stock options.

Last night would go down in history as the most blocks racked up in a single match. Despite being blocked countless times, only one team knew how to handle it. Looking eye to pectoral, the Engineers were scrappy and they defied "the giants" by digging some enormous rejections. Drills in hand, the Beav's gave their opponents the feeling that they were still at work, as a screeching sound of win after win after WIN went throughout the Brimhall gymnasium. Sitting in the wings didn't stop the coach from registering a complaint or two (directed at our favorite Drama Queen referee) ... I think between games she forgot here medication. Highlights - Bic pulled out an underhand serve, Trina and Steph blocked the big boys, Keith went sprawling out and the sets made these three boys look pretty damn good - Paul-Keith-Mark each had more than their share of big hits. I do, however, remember one taking the paint off the back wall!

Rate the following in importance from 1 to 10 (girls, feel free to take as much time as you need with each question.. uh hum... no one's waiting to ge their dessert):
_____ Aiding elderly ladies with their bowel movements (and discussing it, in detail, over dinner)
_____ Sippy cups so you don't blow a 0.08 in the breathalyzer
_____ Secret soda flavors that are not listed on the menu (lobster for everyone!)
_____ Bowls that look like cups (although neither contain scrumptalicious chicken fingers)
_____ A couple, prepubescent long whiskers in instead of a handle bar mustache on goatee night
_____ "Get your hands off that plate... I ain't done eating!"
_____ Super sub Angie (which was a popular name) who is the only Beaver ever with a 1.000 career serving %
_____ Starting two of three game with seven point deficits. We came back once, but couldn't catch them in game two. Their big (stare down) man rolled his ankle. We scared our sub. We hit some weak. We hit some others off the back wall. That's about it. Don't remember too many highlights... we played well enough and took two out of three against a decent team. Sorry for the short recap... I've got to go let the dog out! TGIT indeed!

(from Shon) The theme for the night was play loose and have fun. Of course this is much easier to do when you have a gullet full of brew and greasy chow and your opponent is by no means a volleyball powerhouse. All three games were a symphony of lax, loose play by both teams. Never ceasing to amaze, the Beavers still managed to fabricate some highlights from their less than stellar perfomance. Keith, trying his best to be the next dark-haired Bjorn Borg, buried some impressive hits and while going after a volley gave Steph a hip check that would make Jaque Lamaire proud (What ever happened to sibing ESP?). His "swing and a miss" brought us all a good laugh and was shortly followed by a throw that bounced off a basketball hoop and came back to hit him in the melon. Trina pounded some nice hits down as well and threw her body around in order to pull out some great digs. Her ballet of frustration in game one was so appropriate it almost brought a tear to our eyes. Craig, crushing deadly hits as usual, teamed up with Steph to form the Wall of Schlicting as they brought the roof down on opposing hitters. His well placed timeout was the difference in game two. Steph was masterfully setting up the guys while ripping off some serving runs that left our opponent brusied and battered. Who was the one yelling "I got it, I got it, I got it, no you get it, you get it, you get it!?!" Oh yeah, Bic of course, who kept us all together enough to pull out three wins with her scappy net play. All in all, three wins while playing on cruise control.

Two things to look forward to next week - toilet paper in the ladies room and someone playing topless. Ohh-la-la!! Keep your eye out for orange shorts everyone!

Something about a lot of gas and everyone being pissed at the ref. For what it's worth (nothing?),I think the other team is pretty good.

Won all three. Heard Trina brought her A-game.

“I thought he was going to die. A gone-er, fa sure.” Yep, Keith’s two-mile run around Lake of the Isles wasn’t the best pre-game warm-up idea. With hobbling giant and all, the Engineers had one of the best and fun nights EVER in volleyball history. Lead by Captain Craig’s suggestions to the other team to “Zip it” and “Eat it” we built a nice little lead in the first game with some “Hammer-Time” from Stephy and “Lock and Load” action from Bic. Bad things started to happen though (aided probably by the Keith-Bic “Get up!” collision) and the game slipped away. Rats! (Or as Old Mark would’ve put it, “Fuck, shit, c***, whore!”) Undaunted, the Orange Wave fought through Harley guy’s B-O and Shorts-to-the-Neck’s whining to come back behind Craig and D’s brawn and Keith and Trina’s immaculate serves to take the next two games. As if beating the #1 team in the league wasn’t enough, the Beavs took the show to TGI Friday’s for a little taste test (Yes, quite moist. And flaky. 7-1….”And everyone we bring in here would disagree with you”) and Name-the-Waitress game—“Jenny…Aaargh!!” Terrific season y’all (“Oooh, I’m dizzy”)—Now on to the 5-foot outdoor net!