Thursday Evening Football - CSC Sports
(F.B.T., Captain: Sukhum, Fort Snelling & McRae Park on 46th & Chicago)

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LEAGUE CHAMPS!!!

(from Bic) Mystery solved! Sporting an entourage of fans, new knowledge of our team name (Futbol Thailand – Not Fat Boy Time) and shiny, three-dollar jerseys (Thanks Pat, Bill, Pam and Thai Blackmarket!), FBT took the field also with a new laissez-faire, “let’s have fun” attitude. As we prepared to step back onto the field after skipping the spring season, we realized we were facing a tough, old nemesis: Griswold. Undaunted, FBT exhibited impressive jump-ball form and took the field unusually smiley. On the first drive, the orange-clad Griswolds quickly scored. FBT swiftly answered as Craig sent Pat into the end zone with a beautiful deep pass down the middle, splitting the safeties (and the light was just right...truly beautiful). With the help of another Craig-Pat connection, sticky hands from Bill, heavy breathing efforts from Keith, “girl-on-girl” action from Steph and Bic, and tough D from Pam and Shon we were reveling in the fun of breezy fall nights and football. The revelry came to a screeching halt, when the Orange Goons pulled off a safety (also giving them possession (!)). With injuries that sent Pam and Bic (Craig: “Sorry Bic. Sorry Bic. Sorry Bic.”) to the sidelines, a rare punt from FBT and a few good drives, the OGs were down just seven. Thirty seconds left in the game and fifteen yards out, the Griswolds were poised to make us look bad. Unfortunately for them and happily for us, Stephy decided to unleash some whoop-ass, and stepped in front of her girl, picked the pass and took it all the way (“Run Steph run!!”) to the house for a score. Not a bad start, as we picked up where we left off (beating Griswold). If you still doubt what fun the season’s going to bring, might want to get your head checked – ‘Cause it’s GAME ON!

C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! – As folks arrived by all means up to three hours early, FBT had one of their most fun and worst played weeks ever (you can blame/credit the pre-game brews for both). Tonight’s stats – Two TDs, half-a-dozen drops, eight burgers, eight cheese hot dogs, a handful of brats, a case of Coors light, three bags of chips, a liter of lighter fluid and one very poor call by the ref. Despite it all, FBT was able to squeak out a victory against an old rival. Nice. See you by the charcoal!

Viva la Rock-Paper-Scissor! What a difference a week (and 24 less cans of beer) can make! With our QB out on the BS (baby-sitting) reserve list, FBT was without an identity (and an arm). Post one Keith “put some mustard on that hot dog” Bias (pronounced “bee-ess”?) drive, and FBT giving up a score, Billy stepped in and led the team on five scoring drives. The field general was as efficient as a $2 salmon fillet. Plus, he even stepped-up as our verbal enforcer as one of Mustard’s stooges got a bit chippy. The D, led by Keith’s two picks and an early Salty sack, also played tough only giving up the one early score. Five TDs, four picks, a bit of spaghetti and Pepitos. Throw out the fact that no one appears to have serious gastrointestinal problems and it’s just like old times.

(from Billy) F.B.T. came out to play in Craig's triumphant return from baby sitting duties. No more funny business with dirty diapers or Bill as the QB! There were a lot of great offensive plays initiated by Craig's accurate tosses and nice catches by the receivers. Most notably, Pam caught a couple sweet bombs from Craig after beating her defender down field. Unfortunately, one long run ended with Pam using her chin like the break pad of a roller skate - but not before she reached pay dirt. In another exciting play, Salty took a short screen pass to the house, but was incorrectly called down at the 1 yard line. Steph and Bic also wore out their defenders with quick crosses and nice out patterns. Perhaps most entertaining, however, was a classic deep ball from Craig to Pat. Craig beat the half-time game clock (and Pat's self-imposed time limit) by hitting him on a full field bomb in the last seconds of the first half. In a true "Prime Time"-esque performance (though presumably without the helicopter ride between venues) Pat drew cheers from the football fans and laughs from the improv fans in the same evening. This story is going to print before the facts can be checked, but this reporter believes that Pat's dual performance is a world record. (I'd like to see Randy Moss play Forward-Reverse!) The great game by F.B.T. was marred a couple times by the performance of 2 DB's trying to guard a giant Yak-like WR. Those lapses didn't effect the outcome of the game (or even the tempo) so there is no need to name the offending DB's here. (However, nature lovers take note: apparently a Giant Yak is faster than a Big Elk in the open field.) The game was in hand before it started and the final score ended up at about 55-21

(from Craig) A damp October night, a pregame warm-up, the two top teams in the league and post game stories that will soon become legendary. Well the stage was set, the only problem being, the post game provided more good memories than the game itself. To the game..... It is hard to say whether Bic turned a jimmy hat inside out before the game or not, but her hands were sticky as she pulled down a sky ball. The impostor MRI technician started to separate himself from the pack and made a few nice catches. Steph and Pammy's chests were sore and it wasn't from a swinger party. The opposition had Bigfoot rush and forced the QB to throw a lollipop in the first half. Salty washed up the girls and came clean from the line to make an excellent sideline grab. Teacher, I mean Suki, took the opposition to school on 4th down attempts. Billy dropped a bombshell on us at the Mexican Laxative Shack. Overall we played a tough defensive game, and we will review the tapes and come back and squash this squad in the playoffs. News for next week..... 1. Don't pay Pat with a check. 2. Bring your gross stories. 3. Watch out for Bic in the Blue Jersey

(From Bic) BARTENDER NEEDED. Benefits include at least $100, attention from cute girls and perhaps a lap dance or two. Spread the word to the jobless and homeless. Anyhoo. Perhaps we should’ve worn yellow jerseys tonight. Reffy Lady seemed to like yellow a lot. A whole lot. FBT wasn’t too shabby, with the tandem of sticky-hands catches from “He’s probably on the phone with his giiiiiirl” Stephy and bullet passes from “We’ll build a cage” Craig. Divin’ Shon, Mr. Goodwrench, and “I’ve had my costume idea since April” Billy also showed some muscle (and agility) on D. And I seem to remember a really nice deep-ball catch by Pitter Patter (See, that five yard walk didn’t erase all things from the memory bank…Set-….Ooops-y). In the end, the brightness of the yellow affected Reffy’s vision enough so that obvious arm-grabbing, out-of-bounds catches, and throwing over the line of scrimmage were somehow missed. Advantage (and game) them. No matter. E-bay will solve all of our woes. Bid on the megaphone. Remember the tattoos. Get the skinny and cute to the partaaay. And line up, ladies. It’s Mammogram Booth time!

(from Salty) “Are you nervous?” “Any butterflies in your tummy?” “Are you ready for this?” That’s right, playoff time baby, where a loss sends you home with no more pigskin playtime until the spring thaw. Surprisingly, FBT arrived at the field calm and collected despite the fact that we were to face our old nemesis, Griswold. Things started out close, as we traded two scores back and forth, but then FBT found its gridiron mojo and began to work it, baby, work it, YEAH BABY! The defense clamped down like a red snapper and didn’t allow another TD in the first half. Craig led the offensive love covenant by masterfully spreading the ball around to all of his weapons. Pam scorched her defender with another sweet catch on a deep ball and kept true to form by landing on her grill. Bic put her usual sticky digits to work with some great receptions in addition to harassing the opposing QB like a persistent rash. Keith showcased his vertical talent by hauling in a spectacular jump ball. Pat kept it in the family by absolutely torching “Cocky Boy” and catching a few sweet deep balls of his own despite some blatant pass interference, as Reffy Guy chose not to add insult to injury by calling the penalty (“You guys would have declined the defensive pass interference, right?”) Score at halftime – FBT 30, Griswold 14. The second half saw the Orange Goons score two to make it a game again, but the deal was sealed with two huge plays by FBT. First, Steffy chased down the QB like Starsky and Hutch chase down the bad guys, and recorded an enormous, timely sack. Second, Billy "the Bonafide Sasquatch Killer" schooled his defender like a first grader on a quick slant for the final score and went back to the well to tally the extra point on the same play. Can you say, “All day baby!?!” Final score – FBT 36, Griswold 30.
Lessons for the day: 1) Play man-to-man against us and we will light you up, 2) Letting someone else order your after game meal can be risky, but it can have its rewards too, 3) Keith hates to play defense, 4) Clipping your nails at your local eating establishment is downright disgusting. “Any body seen my nail clipper?” Yuck!

(from Craig) With their captain already out of action (with the exception of 8 ball), FBT almost lost another male. Nanny are you OK, are you OK nanny? Well Shon put the proverbial foot down and said he was going to play, despite not knowing the caretaker of his children. Thanks to Bic's pressure cooking recruitment skills, the Saltinator was ready for a rumble. After not seeing a soul from FBT (despite my wife) until minutes before the action, we went forward without jumpball and the captain. How would FBT react? Losing the opening toss, our opponents opted to take the ball, so we gave them the wind the first half. Uncle Do-Dos, a familiar opponent, started off hot and they were on the board first. We followed with a solid drive of our own and hit Blazing Billy for a slicing grab, but failed to convert. With the occasional sack from Bic "the wedge" and decent defense by the purple peep eaters (a softer version), we ended the half with a shot at the end zone. Well, much to our dismay we were denied as Silky Steph (she's smooth from top to bottom) was popped like a pimple in the front corner (which registered some of the first complaints at the officiating). Much of the second half went in favor of FBT, however one of our teammates couldn't keep her emotions in check as the F word was tossed at the "numb above the waste" official. Yes, multiple penalties were tacked on and you couldn't help but think "here we go again" - the officials want to determine the winner of this game. "Hell no, we won't go!" was shouted by our most rambunxious fan base in recent FBT history, and the troops were rallied. Uncle Do-Dos had a chance to score in the waning minutes, but instead opted to run the clock down. Miraculously, FBT chose this drive as the time for a gut check. Stopping them on the one, this gave FBT some signs of what was to come. Converting their first fourth down attempt, FBT managed to put themselves in position to go in for a score. On another fourth down, scrambling like he was being chased by a swarm of Bee's, Schlic the Slinger lofted up a prayer to Pammy the Pendulum as she kept her balance in the back of the end zone. Up by 5 we went for 2 and picked it up with a tip catch by Keith "the Clutch". Uncle do-do's had one more chance to score, but the stop sign went up when Steph said "unh unh unh" as she took the ball from her arch nemesis, whiny little bitch. 34-27 (I think)

As we waited to see "Who's next?" (a memory from Air it Out), it went down to the wire and Campbell Mithun came out of it with victory in the final 18 seconds on their semi-final match. It was time for the finals. Again starting on defense, we changed things up and rushed Salty. Somehow they broke us down and ended up getting on the board first with a QB keeper TD (even though he was clearly tagged on the 5). This was just enough to piss us off. The rest of the story has been told, but here are the highlights.....

4th down conversions
Billy on the outs
Girls crossing
Pammy's QB tosses
MVP Keith with 3 picks and 4 touchdowns (several jumpballs in the corner, one underneath, and a bomb to end it [since we can't go deep])
Craig knocking down the deep balls
Salty's reach back grabs
Stephy's relentless routes
Bic's over the head grab and sideline dive (although unsuccessful, it was amazing)
This game was a blowout 40+-13 (I think)

We are the Champions, my friends!