Geeks on the Web

Date	Time	Field	Opponent	Record	How'd we do?
Apr. 28	6:15	Field C	B-School Bombers	1-0	First, let's take a quick minute to acknowledge that all sexes have some biological happenings going on at all times. Amen. Now, on to football. It was pretty clear that tonight's opponents hadn't played together a great deal (course, they always have some darn fine MBAs to fall back on), but the Pancakes also came ready to play. Charlie started it by skying for a pick on the very first play (probably with help from his scary, yet magically powerful, witch friend). Riding the mid-season arm of Craig, the Cakes built a lead and never looked back (although Craig did seem distracted that Steph wouldn't want larger breasts, or maybe he was distracted that she kept trying to get Charlie's shirt off). Bic was especially talented with her "personalized" sideline cheers ("hey ugly"). Mark also looked strong in his first full game back… and even had enough energy to run home and caulk the ceiling with his wife. All we care about for Keith is that he got to show-off his dimples… and he had plenty of that with his strong play. Get Bill (on a recruiting trip in Florida) back and this squad will be ready to run the table. Oh, as for the game, we probably had five picks, four sacks, a shutout and maybe eight touchdowns. Not a bad start. Oh, don't forget though… lock your doors, don't develop the photos, you never need more than one phone line in your house, don't shoot your mom, flex if someone's taking a picture of your torso (but don't look like you're flexing), Jessi shouldn't wear hooded sweatshirts… and for goodness sake, never order the Relish Plate.
May 5	8:15	Field A	Paco's Fighting Octopi	2-0	(from Marky Mark) In a game that hearkened back to the good old days, the 'Cakes' defense absolutely dominated this contest. Things were a little shaky at the start as the Octopi fought their way inside the Pancake 10 yard line on the opening drive. But the 'Cakes stiffened and forced a turnover on downs. Craig led the team down the field on an efficient drive for the first score of the game. With a lead and the ball first after the half, the 'Cakes were in control. Pancake D went on to generate as many scores as the O with Charlie, Pat and Craig each taking a pick to the house. Craig returned another interception 20 yards (and about 75 yards laterally - not literally Bill) before suffering a smack-down inside the 10. The final was 41-7 and the table is set for next week's clash of the only undefeated teams in this league. And we still won by 5 TDs: For the first time... ever?... the 'Cakes did not complete a bomb for a touchdown.
May 12	8:15	Field C	Bent out of Shape	3-0	Just keep licking your lips (or get naked in the airplane bathroom)... somebody's finally going to take you up. See, you just keep trying different leagues and you'll finally find one that fits. Well, this one might not fit perfect, but it sure is nice not to stress every game. Yeah, maybe we just fell in a barrel of tits (or, for the ladies, the ever-so classy bag of dicks), but personally, I think we're playing some pretty good ball (and having a pretty good time). Another rout for the Cakers... heck, maybe we'll give yet another meaning to "blowing a hole in your shorts!" Oh, and a proposition for Craig or (and?) Mark. No league fees for the daring gent who dons a red wrestling unitard (complete with ear guards) for an entire game. Come now... that's an offer you can't refuse.
May 19	6:15	Field #4 - A	Midwest Transplants	3-0	Rained-out...
June 2	6:15	Field #4 - B	The Geriatrics	4-0	Girls night out as Steph (TD grab over her defender and bobbling catch), Jessi (pick for a TD) and Bic (flailing pass defensed... you know, she is almost a Doctor of Philosophy) sparked the blowout (even our number one fan, Michelle, gave it her all). Although just eye-candy... congrats to Bill (Panther), Craig (wingman... or was it anchor?), Mark (You down with DOP... Yeah you know me), Charlie (Soybean Farmer), Keith (you ain't done drinking that Au Jus! (three bucks has never been so hard earned)) and that Chinese Guy as well. We'll see how the guys do on their night out this Saturday.
June 9	6:10 & 7:10	Field #4 - A	Sara's All Stars & Midwest Transplants	6-0	(from Bill) Impervious to Losing Double-Header...Yes, getting started for tonight’s games seemed to take a little extra effort. Most of us aren’t 25 anymore! However, after some vigorous jump-ball, we were ready to play. Our opponents were apparently in the midst of a huge quarterback controversy, but with a twist: who can throw the most picks? I think the little guy who also liked to run had about 3, crushing his teammates. Honestly, the game wasn’t very intense and is frankly already a blur. Alcohol kills brain cells? You, sir, are full of shit! We had some touchdowns and played some defense and I think came away with a 69-12 victory. Steph and Bic both made a number of grabs and each had a handful of TD’s. Pat also made some nice grabs, which the other team seemed to appreciate (most of the time, anyway…) Is that the most points we have ever scored in a game? I think so, though I’m not sure I know what game I’m talking about anymore….oh yeah, football! We played a second football game, which started out far more intense than the first. Our opponents in this game bullied there way to our 10 yard line on their opening drive and on 3rd or 4th down the referee screwed the pooch, (no, not the Gizmo-esque doggie sitting on the sideline, you sick fuckers) – he made a horrible pass interference call. Mark pulled a Sparky Anderson and almost got ejected from the park. Despite getting a gift 1st down on our 5, they couldn’t convert. Then we moved the field with a very awkward and athletic catch from Suks on the sideline (which is pure praise and no backhanded compliment.) I can’t remember who scored, but it put us up 7-0. It was around this time that one of their guys ran a post pattern on a Pancakes cornerback (who will remain nameless but not numberless, yep #7) for a TD. I think we got another touchdown, but then missed the extra point to go up 13-7. It was at this point, just before halftime, that our defense really straddled the opposition, I mean strangled. Charlie tracked down there QB for a sack, forcing a gender play from them. (I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again now: The guys on our team are pretty good, but we kick ass because our girls kick ass.) Apparently, their coaching staff and QB hadn’t read the scouting report showing a net -10 yard average on forced gender against the Pancakes. Pat picked off a floater, (no not that kind of floater) and despite 2 of the defenders having the angle, Pat beat everyone to the house. After calling to make sure it was alright, we joined him there to celebrate our 3-1 lead. In the second half, it began to get rough as they got frustrated – but we played tough too. Everyone made some nice defensive plays, Bic, Craig and Steph with some great all-around coverage, Pat with some diving knock-downs, Charlie with some Rush’n Attack, Mark and Keith going up with the big boys. And don’t forget about good old Lucky #7 on the sideline with a bum knee. Mid-half, Craig made an NFL-caliber throw to Keith streaking outside to make an NFL-caliber catch in the corner of the endzone. There may have been 10 minutes left, and we may have gotten another TD but at that moment the game was over. I think we won 35-7. Then we got full participation at the 5-8 from those attending the game (sorry Jessi). There we recapped the games for about 30 seconds and discussed what folks did over the weekend. I didn’t really pay much attention, but let me just write down a few words and phrases that I heard, and maybe you can piece it together: cleavage, impervious, Magnum P.I., straddled, Mayday Malone, boned, pervert, croquet, cupped, designated driver, 50 Cent, after-party, open fire, yakked, …you know what I’m saying!
June 16	6:10	Field #4 - A	.	.	Bye...
June 13	6:55 & 7:50	Field #4 - A	Geriatrics & Midwest Transplants	8-0	(from Craig) The cakes arrived at the field with one illegal and 8 others, and we'll really never know who wasn't supposed to be there that night. With the best jump ball of the season we were poised to pounce on the Viagra and Cane toting Geriatrics. Early bird special or not, the geezers started out hot and moved right down the field for the first score of the game. Despite the cakes being a little down on themselves early they put up the next 7 scores, highlighted by a pick by Sticky Steph, a laser by Bombing Bill to Keith, and another pick by the Suk Dawg. We won this game in a route and one opponent even asked "If I throw up on the field do I have to clean it up?". Opponent 1 out, Midwest Transplants in. Again the Cakes started on defense and they couldn't manage to tag their opponents on the first attempt. With that in mind #12 was putting in his bid for a royal ass kicking early. Throughout the game the votes were tallied, and the overwhelming choice was #12, Keith's got your back. After the official missed a forearm twohanded shiver by #12, we knew the table was set for a conspiracy to eliminate the recipe for success from the Betty Crocker playbook. As they moved towards the goal, it felt a lot like the last game, but this time we held them until 3rd down (even though the official missed a little shove on 2nd down, and a stare down by puggsley the QB). After running the route for the receiver, Craig was labeled for the first of 3 defensive pass interferences. The fury was hard to control, but we shook it off and picked the next pass with a collision in the back of the end zone. Screaming like school girls, pointing for the first down, and calling the official out, we began our offensive series. We drove down the field with a long floater to Suki and punched in for the score and extra point. A little back and forth and 2 more picks gave the Cakes one final shot for the zone. Charlie not knowing you have to go for that "little brown thing", decided we would end the half with a little offensive pass interference. Halftime..... Let's crush this team! The QB came out firing, but it was to the other team. Throwing 2 picks of his own the frustration began to mount for the QB. Well we ended up punching a couple more in with Bic and Keith in the left corner, but the Transplants had brought it closer with a score of their own. Bill's closed fist grabbed a jersey, and Charlie grounded a guy who was 10 yards short of the ball leaving the official with no choice but to through the flag. This being the same flag that stuck to his little weasel claw when Suks and Craig were thrown to the ground on earlier plays. Stop arguing guys, what does it matter your up by 2 scores, "mother Fokker, bull snit, insert Bosnian and Chinese here!" They squeaked into the end zone and the cakes ran the clock out on their last drive. P.S. You have to snap the ball for a punt, you can't be called for interference when your in front of the offensive player, and an unmatchable pass with superb defense and both hands in the air does not constitute a grab, nor does a closed fist and by the way YOU'RE PATHETIC. No sportsman of the year for this squad, a corn dog toast, a future singles night out, and oh yeah we're the Champs. For some reason we forget this, but when are we going to get an official that doesn't care how much you're winning by, they just make the call they way it is supposed to be made? Great season!

Date

Time

Field

Opponent

Record

How'd we do?

Apr. 28

6:15

Field C

B-School Bombers

1-0

First, let's take a quick minute to acknowledge that all sexes have some biological happenings going on at all times. Amen.

Now, on to football. It was pretty clear that tonight's opponents hadn't played together a great deal (course, they always have some darn fine MBAs to fall back on), but the Pancakes also came ready to play. Charlie started it by skying for a pick on the very first play (probably with help from his scary, yet magically powerful, witch friend). Riding the mid-season arm of Craig, the Cakes built a lead and never looked back (although Craig did seem distracted that Steph wouldn't want larger breasts, or maybe he was distracted that she kept trying to get Charlie's shirt off). Bic was especially talented with her "personalized" sideline cheers ("hey ugly"). Mark also looked strong in his first full game back… and even had enough energy to run home and caulk the ceiling with his wife. All we care about for Keith is that he got to show-off his dimples… and he had plenty of that with his strong play. Get Bill (on a recruiting trip in Florida) back and this squad will be ready to run the table. Oh, as for the game, we probably had five picks, four sacks, a shutout and maybe eight touchdowns. Not a bad start.

Oh, don't forget though… lock your doors, don't develop the photos, you never need more than one phone line in your house, don't shoot your mom, flex if someone's taking a picture of your torso (but don't look like you're flexing), Jessi shouldn't wear hooded sweatshirts… and for goodness sake, never order the Relish Plate.

May 5

8:15

Field A

Paco's Fighting Octopi

2-0

(from Marky Mark) In a game that hearkened back to the good old days, the 'Cakes' defense absolutely dominated this contest. Things were a little shaky at the start as the Octopi fought their way inside the Pancake 10 yard line on the opening drive. But the 'Cakes stiffened and forced a turnover on downs. Craig led the team down the field on an efficient drive for the first score of the game. With a lead and the ball first after the half, the 'Cakes were in control. Pancake D went on to generate as many scores as the O with Charlie, Pat and Craig each taking a pick to the house. Craig returned another interception 20 yards (and about 75 yards laterally - not literally Bill) before suffering a smack-down inside the 10. The final was 41-7 and the table is set for next week's clash of the only undefeated teams in this league.

And we still won by 5 TDs: For the first time... ever?... the 'Cakes did not complete a bomb for a touchdown.

May 12

8:15

Field C

Bent out of Shape

3-0

Just keep licking your lips (or get naked in the airplane bathroom)... somebody's finally going to take you up. See, you just keep trying different leagues and you'll finally find one that fits. Well, this one might not fit perfect, but it sure is nice not to stress every game. Yeah, maybe we just fell in a barrel of tits (or, for the ladies, the ever-so classy bag of dicks), but personally, I think we're playing some pretty good ball (and having a pretty good time). Another rout for the Cakers... heck, maybe we'll give yet another meaning to "blowing a hole in your shorts!"

Oh, and a proposition for Craig or (and?) Mark. No league fees for the daring gent who dons a red wrestling unitard (complete with ear guards) for an entire game. Come now... that's an offer you can't refuse.

May 19

6:15

Field #4 - A

Midwest Transplants

3-0

Rained-out...

June 2

6:15

Field #4 - B

The Geriatrics

4-0

Girls night out as Steph (TD grab over her defender and bobbling catch), Jessi (pick for a TD) and Bic (flailing pass defensed... you know, she is almost a Doctor of Philosophy) sparked the blowout (even our number one fan, Michelle, gave it her all). Although just eye-candy... congrats to Bill (Panther), Craig (wingman... or was it anchor?), Mark (You down with DOP... Yeah you know me), Charlie (Soybean Farmer), Keith (you ain't done drinking that Au Jus! (three bucks has never been so hard earned)) and that Chinese Guy as well. We'll see how the guys do on their night out this Saturday.

June 9

6:10 & 7:10

Field #4 - A

Sara's All Stars & Midwest Transplants

6-0

(from Bill)

Impervious to Losing

Double-Header...Yes, getting started for tonight’s games seemed to take a little extra effort. Most of us aren’t 25 anymore! However, after some vigorous jump-ball, we were ready to play. Our opponents were apparently in the midst of a huge quarterback controversy, but with a twist: who can throw the most picks? I think the little guy who also liked to run had about 3, crushing his teammates. Honestly, the game wasn’t very intense and is frankly already a blur. Alcohol kills brain cells? You, sir, are full of shit! We had some touchdowns and played some defense and I think came away with a 69-12 victory. Steph and Bic both made a number of grabs and each had a handful of TD’s. Pat also made some nice grabs, which the other team seemed to appreciate (most of the time, anyway…) Is that the most points we have ever scored in a game? I think so, though I’m not sure I know what game I’m talking about anymore….oh yeah, football!

We played a second football game, which started out far more intense than the first. Our opponents in this game bullied there way to our 10 yard line on their opening drive and on 3rd or 4th down the referee screwed the pooch, (no, not the Gizmo-esque doggie sitting on the sideline, you sick fuckers) – he made a horrible pass interference call. Mark pulled a Sparky Anderson and almost got ejected from the park. Despite getting a gift 1st down on our 5, they couldn’t convert. Then we moved the field with a very awkward and athletic catch from Suks on the sideline (which is pure praise and no backhanded compliment.) I can’t remember who scored, but it put us up 7-0. It was around this time that one of their guys ran a post pattern on a Pancakes cornerback (who will remain nameless but not numberless, yep #7) for a TD. I think we got another touchdown, but then missed the extra point to go up 13-7. It was at this point, just before halftime, that our defense really straddled the opposition, I mean strangled. Charlie tracked down there QB for a sack, forcing a gender play from them. (I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again now: The guys on our team are pretty good, but we kick ass because our girls kick ass.) Apparently, their coaching staff and QB hadn’t read the scouting report showing a net -10 yard average on forced gender against the Pancakes. Pat picked off a floater, (no not that kind of floater) and despite 2 of the defenders having the angle, Pat beat everyone to the house. After calling to make sure it was alright, we joined him there to celebrate our 3-1 lead. In the second half, it began to get rough as they got frustrated – but we played tough too. Everyone made some nice defensive plays, Bic, Craig and Steph with some great all-around coverage, Pat with some diving knock-downs, Charlie with some Rush’n Attack, Mark and Keith going up with the big boys. And don’t forget about good old Lucky #7 on the sideline with a bum knee. Mid-half, Craig made an NFL-caliber throw to Keith streaking outside to make an NFL-caliber catch in the corner of the endzone. There may have been 10 minutes left, and we may have gotten another TD but at that moment the game was over. I think we won 35-7.

Then we got full participation at the 5-8 from those attending the game (sorry Jessi). There we recapped the games for about 30 seconds and discussed what folks did over the weekend. I didn’t really pay much attention, but let me just write down a few words and phrases that I heard, and maybe you can piece it together: cleavage, impervious, Magnum P.I., straddled, Mayday Malone, boned, pervert, croquet, cupped, designated driver, 50 Cent, after-party, open fire, yakked, …you know what I’m saying!

June 16

6:10

Field #4 - A

Bye...

June 13

6:55 & 7:50

Field #4 - A

Geriatrics & Midwest Transplants

8-0

(from Craig) The cakes arrived at the field with one illegal and 8 others, and we'll really never know who wasn't supposed to be there that night. With the best jump ball of the season we were poised to pounce on the Viagra and Cane toting Geriatrics. Early bird special or not, the geezers started out hot and moved right down the field for the first score of the game. Despite the cakes being a little down on themselves early they put up the next 7 scores, highlighted by a pick by Sticky Steph, a laser by Bombing Bill to Keith, and another pick by the Suk Dawg. We won this game in a route and one opponent even asked "If I throw up on the field do I have to clean it up?".

Opponent 1 out, Midwest Transplants in. Again the Cakes started on defense and they couldn't manage to tag their opponents on the first attempt. With that in mind #12 was putting in his bid for a royal ass kicking early. Throughout the game the votes were tallied, and the overwhelming choice was #12, Keith's got your back. After the official missed a forearm twohanded shiver by #12, we knew the table was set for a conspiracy to eliminate the recipe for success from the Betty Crocker playbook. As they moved towards the goal, it felt a lot like the last game, but this time we held them until 3rd down (even though the official missed a little shove on 2nd down, and a stare down by puggsley the QB). After running the route for the receiver, Craig was labeled for the first of 3 defensive pass interferences. The fury was hard to control, but we shook it off and picked the next pass with a collision in the back of the end zone. Screaming like school girls, pointing for the first down, and calling the official out, we began our offensive series. We drove down the field with a long floater to Suki and punched in for the score and extra point. A little back and forth and 2 more picks gave the Cakes one final shot for the zone. Charlie not knowing you have to go for that "little brown thing", decided we would end the half with a little offensive pass interference. Halftime..... Let's crush this team! The QB came out firing, but it was to the other team. Throwing 2 picks of his own the frustration began to mount for the QB. Well we ended up punching a couple more in with Bic and Keith in the left corner, but the Transplants had brought it closer with a score of their own. Bill's closed fist grabbed a jersey, and Charlie grounded a guy who was 10 yards short of the ball leaving the official with no choice but to through the flag. This being the same flag that stuck to his little weasel claw when Suks and Craig were thrown to the ground on earlier plays. Stop arguing guys, what does it matter your up by 2 scores, "mother Fokker, bull snit, insert Bosnian and Chinese here!" They squeaked into the end zone and the cakes ran the clock out on their last drive. P.S. You have to snap the ball for a punt, you can't be called for interference when your in front of the offensive player, and an unmatchable pass with superb defense and both hands in the air does not constitute a grab, nor does a closed fist and by the way YOU'RE PATHETIC. No sportsman of the year for this squad, a corn dog toast, a future singles night out, and oh yeah we're the Champs. For some reason we forget this, but when are we going to get an official that doesn't care how much you're winning by, they just make the call they way it is supposed to be made? Great season!