May 21, 2007

Ok, judge me if you must, but I prefer the handicap stall in public restrooms. I prefer them for two reasons...1) It's like being in the penthouse...you are farther away from the people to either side of you...and, frankly, shouldn't we all want to be as far away from people during that time as possible? I think so. It's one of the few luxuries I can afford at this time in my life. 2) I feel like that stall gets less traffic...and again, that's something I feel we should all want. Or at least, I do.

I am not ashamed in this preference mainly because I know that I do not feel entitled to it. I do not begrudge people who need that space for more practical reasons and do not consider it the luxury I do. I would happily and heartily give up my place in line for someone who needed it, or take another stall. However, that situation has never arisen.

Yesterday I drank a lot. I had an extra large diet coke from McDonald's, and a couple glasses of ice tea on top of additional water...I was just super thirsty. All of this kicked in while I was out to dinner with some friends (actually, I didn't even get dinner...i was just drinking more ice tea!) Anywho, I excused myself to go to the restroom. Being the only one in the restroom, I of course chose my preferred place in the penthouse.I shut the door behind me, turned the lock, and took a seat. It was at the moment I began my gratefull release that I realized that I had turned the lock before the door was fully shut, and the door was now slowly opening. I tried to kick it shut, but being in the penthouse...my foot couldn't reach the door...and I was peeing for forever...so getting up any time soon was out of the question. I was forced to watch the door slowly swing open wider and wider. Finally, there is a break in the storm, and I lock the door just as I hear someone opening the main door to enter. PHEW!!!!

I am so taken aback in my relief that I closed the door in the nick of time that it takes me a moment to notice the mental clanking sound coming towards my stall door. My heart froze...i tipped my head down to look under the door. Sure enough, I'm staring straight into the metal eyes of a pair of crutches. I panicked! I could have pulled up my pants and jumped out. I was done. But, upon hearing the owner of the crutches annoyed sigh, I decided it was best to hide for some reason. She went into a different stall. I then heard her drop her crutches and start swearing...At this point I feel so bad, there's only one thing I can do.........laugh. I got the giggles so bad! I was doing everything in my power to stifle the laughter and keep it inaudible. I quickly flushed the toilet to mask my laughter, and prepared to leave.

As I hurriedly exited my stall I was trying to adjust my pant leg so that it lay correctly over my shoe by kind of kicking my leg...it was at this time I realized I was passing "her" stall...and for some reason I indistinctly began to fake a limp. why?! Why would I do that?! I can blame it on my pant leg...but, I know the truth. I was trying to justify the fact that I'd taken her stall. As i looked in the mirror while washing my hands, my eyes scolded me for stooping so low.

Then I heard a toilet flush.

and I started running!

..."Alaina, what is wrong with you?! Why are you running?"...I know! I was thinking the same thing!!....I mean, she's on crutches...I totally had time to walk.

Has it happened to you? Don't feel it's that geeky? Want to defend yourself? E-mail me and we'll post your thoughts.