Comments from Adam below...

June 26, 2003

"Would you consider dating him?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"He's not really my type."

"What, the nice, good-looking type?"

Ever wonder why you're not attracted to a perfectly nice, good-looking girl or guy? Have friends that think you should date his/her "nice" and "cute" friend? Don't you think that if attraction were simply about putting together two nice and good-looking people, there would be much fewer single people out there? If you think about it, there are gads of nice and good-looking (at least not bad-looking) men and women. Ugly people aren't really that common. So if attraction and dating have much less to do with whether or not people are nice or good-looking, then what are they about?

To a large extent, I think attraction has a lot to do with "types." That is, we all have "types" and are attracted to people with certain physical/personality/lifestyle characteristics. Or as my friend Adam puts it, there are "trends" to the people we date. Consciously and subconsciously we're attracted to and/or are looking for people with certain traits. And as we get older, we have a clearer idea of the type of people that we want to date. Some of my girlfriends even assert that in many instances, they can tell if they're attracted to a guy within minutes of meeting him. (Maybe the Speed Date people are on to something after all? Let's not be too hasty…The Eight Minute Dates just happened…Stay tuned).

But the thing is, while most of us might have "types," we probably haven't put much thought into what our "type" consists of. When asked to articulate our "type" or the people we're attracted to, the answer frequently is: "Someone nice, funny, smart, and cute." Really now, you wouldn't be attracted to or interested in dating a moron who's evil, humorless, and ugly? Surprising.

Certainly (as many of you might recall), I have been at a loss of words when asked to describe the type of guy that I'm attracted to. Some recent events have given me some revelation. This is what a "type" looks like-This is what my type of guy looks like: "book" smart (makes me think, challenges me intellectually), common sense smart (I hear it might come in handy), athletic (enjoys/able to play a variety of sports), great sense of humor (laughter is good), even-keeled (someone's got to be rational/sane), socially conscious (cares about others), independent (not looking for codependency or a Siamese twin), assertive (someone's got to make the first move), good driver (hee-hee).

Yep, this is what this girl wants. Asking for too much, you say? Well then, just give me a sugar daddy.

I think that some choose to say that someone is not their type as an out (a hard to argue excuse) when they are too chicken to try anything. Course, there's nothing wrong with being chicken. - GOTW

June 26, 2003

It is also possible that when “Joe” claims that “She is just not my type,” there is a sort of Seinfeld effect where Joe finds something unattractive about the potential dating partner that he can not get past. So, in order to avoid the real reason for not liking the potential Mrs. Joe, he decides that she is simply not his type. We probably have all done this at one time or heard it from others so often, that we accept the reason without trying to dig and find the real reasons for rejection. It keeps people’s feelings from really getting hurt and makes us all look a little less vain and insensitive.

Adam

P.S. I recently was doing some quasi-dating with this girl. She was really nice, progressive, pretty, wore all second-hand clothes, liked to play fose-ball, had liberal politics, drank tea, drank beer, had cloth wall-hangings—basically your modern hippie. This is the girl that I am supposed to be really attracted to, based on my previous girlfriend choices. Only there was something about the situation that I didn’t like. All the earth-tone pottery plates and mugs looked more calculated, the well-placed copies of the Utne Reader too obvious, and the 70’s style lamps felt too perfect for the environment. It seems that everything that I thought was associated with what was my type were now just boring, contrived, and annoying. Do you really need to wear a long skirt made from 50 different patches and colors of fabric? Yes, I can tell you hate Bush based on all the crap on your fridge, but is the poster necessary? I am a huge fan of soy and organic is great, but it might be borderline overkill with that nasty organic seaweed toothpaste. I now know what my type is no longer and it is amazing to find how much it has changed, but I am still not sure at all of who my type is.

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