Comment from Bill (and then more comments from Bic) below...

If there ever was a reason to turn to a life of crime or vigilantism….

A few weekends ago, someone broke into the non-profit agency where I work and stole the LCD projector that was mounted on the ceiling of our training room. The thief also took off with a computer. Shortly after the break-in a couple of St. Paul's finest came to the agency to examine the scene of the crime. Whoever asserted, "art imitates life" was obviously (dim-witted or) speaking of unique, isolated occurrences. The investigative work of the SPPD will certainly not appear anytime soon on Law & Order, NYPD Blue-Or anything that depicts the tiniest hint of detective skills. Indeed, there will be no "ripped from the headlines."

The Sherlock Huh? and Doctor What's it? who came to my agency were so inept that you'd wonder how they manage to walk and breathe at the same time. So they're doing the "sleuthing" thing and looking around in one of the offices to see if anything was missing. They note that except for the "weird picture" on the computer monitor, nothing seems to be out of place. When my boss pointed out that the "weird picture" was there because the freakin' CPU was missing, one "officer" asked, "What's a CPU?" (Can you see the dead brain cells?)

And, after noting the out-of-place ceiling tiles around where the LCD projector used to be mounted, the Hardy Boys announced (in complete seriousness) that the thief broke into the agency by "Coming down through the ceiling LIKE NINJAS." Came. Through the ceiling. Like ninjas. Forget that the ceiling tiles couldn't hold the weight of poo. Forget the side door with the deep gouges where the lock was jimmied. What, fell asleep in Crime Scene Investigation 101? Or did a bumblebee distract you?

Like ninjas. Sleep well, citizens of St. Paul.

April 10, 2003

To the editors of GOTW:

First of all, I am a committed visitor to GOTW and hold the site in high regard for its informational and entertainment content. Amongst other things, I love the Complaint Corner and the Sports Schedules and recaps - I even enjoy reading the recaps of the sports I don't participate in. I think the Featured Photo holds a lot of promise. However, another new edition has me worried about the direction the site is headed in. This is not intended to be a personal attack on anyone, but Planet Bic has got to go!

Clearly, the Planet Bic concept was a gamble worth taking. Fox, the WB and other television networks try out new shows in the summer for a similar reason: low risk for a potential hit. Unfortunately, like the television stations, GOTW has stooped to gimmickry to draw attention to its latest feature. Yes, I'm taking about the recent article entitled, "Like Ninjas."

Ninjas? Yeah, I love 'em! Who doesn't? Who wouldn't want to learn more about them or just read a story about them? I just finished a book about various Ninja training methods and techniques. I'm more fascinated than I was when all I knew about them was from movies and other popular culture. There is a mystique around the Ninja, since so little is known about them, that invariably draws people's attention. But, I'm getting side-tracked from my point…

GOTW should take pride in the content of the site. Historically, the site has been a beacon for other sites to see and use as a measuring stick for quality and timely delivery of information. GOTW doesn't need flashy tie-ins (or false references to cool things) to attract readers - we are already out here! I would like to propose a poll question to the editors for the readership of GOTW: Should Planet Bic stay on GOTW or find another place to tease and tantalize with no real substance? You can probably guess how I'll answer.

Kind regards,

Bill

Dear Ninja Bill,

This is very difficult for me....But after careful consideration and much soul-searching, I've come to the conclusion that your comments have some merit. It was truly negligent of me to reference "ninjas" so brazenly in a PB issue without talking about martial arts. What was I thinking to not include a treatise on ninja weapons and techniques? What a slipshod Geeks feature!

For some reason, I thought PB was ramblings about my interests, opinions and the goings on in my life. How in the world did I forget that PB meant "Planet Bill"? Chalk it up to the senility that assails some of us twenty-somethingers.

I offer you my heartfelt apologies. As a good faith gesture, I invite you to do a Special (Yes, that's you!) Guest Issue for PB. The topic is up to you. I am sure whatever you choose will be fantabulous (not to mention non-teasing, non-gimmicky, and non-tantalizing). Really, it would be helpful to see a sample of exemplary PB content that I should strive for. If not for my edification, you should do it for GOTW patrons. Say we shoot for the week of May 5th?

But you know, if you're not feeling up to it, I would completely understand....

With Utmost Sincerity,

Bic

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