GOBBLE GOBBLE!!!

Mounting Their Horses, Gang Green Gallops to Yet Another Turkey Bowl Title

Minneapolis, MN - October 27, 2001 - Like Mario Lemiux at 40 and Michael Jordan at 38, the aging (average of 27 and a half years, right?), grizzlied (or maybe it was gristle (Kirk?)) Gang Green veterans were able to hang-on to take the 2001 Turkey Bowl title (for something like the 14th time).

The Gang Greeners got off to a slow-start due to a couple of early picks and an overwhelming fear of Ross. Both were weeded-out on the second (and last) pick when Ross snared one only to be slammed down on the return by Craig "MVB (most valuable BBQer)" Schlichting. A sigh of "he's human... if he walks upright, he can be tackled (although, not always so easily)" flowed through the Gang Green defense along with a newfound sense of purpose. Plus, Schlichting not only can bring home the bacon, he showed that he can fry-it-up in a pan... with some scrumptious, delectable Halloween cupcakes.

Mark "I flew 2000 miles for a game of pick-up football (and we love you for it)" Smellsbert, nursing a soon-to-be sore knee, got the scoring started by catching one of Schlichting's many rainbow bombs. Also, in coordination (cahoots?) with Kosel, Deibert led Gang Green on a series on one-pass, then sub, drives. Upon completion of the game, Deibert was helicoptered to the airport where he caught a private jet with Tony Hawke, Justin Timberlake of N'Sync and Snoop to the X-Games back in sunny Calli.

Sean "I know I'm in way better shape than you guys (heck, I just ran an Ironman), but I'll pretend to be as big a slackers as the rest of you" Stucke, fueled by pear flavored baby food, added a few more scores and Gang Green never looked back. Stucke also played the role of "scout" as he took on (or was given) a block by Ross on an interception, reporting back to the team that it was not necessarily that fun.

Kirk "for good time, and bad times, I'll be by your side for ever more... that's what friends are for (little Dion Worwick)" Kosel not only showed up on time, but gave me a jump (uh, hum) and brought the beer... that's what friends are for. His Kleinsaucer-esqu "sure, you'll get fined" mentality became contagious as cheap shots prevailed (oh, maybe that was Ross on Bill). And, ala Warren Sapp... action aside... nobody talks a better game. He fought until his Charlie-Horsed calf would let him fight no more.

Jeff "that's easy for you to say when there's no computer here" Schaefer was the ultimate utility man. Getting picks, throwing TDs, catching scores (I'll hit the breaks and he'll fly right by), scooping up fumbles... he does it all... and nobody has quicker moves when taking a knee in the endzone. When asked about his stellar game, the Magical Man simply stated, "it's all in getting the proper amount of sleep."

Shon "my knees were burning that night in the shower" Schulte was voted most "Pig Pen". Always coming up in a cloud of dust, Salty was consistently taking on the initial blow (uh, hum) from runners, either pulverizing (a word that is by far not used enough) ball-carriers or slowing them down enough to make easy work for the smaller, more timid defenders playing 30 or so odd yards back (I'm not saying who).

Bill "will it be jungle green or camo black?" Nielsen was pulled/urged out of retirement to give Gang Green that final spark. Churning out yard between the 20's, Nielsen also had a TD saving play in game two as Ross (yes, infamous "Ross") looked free of the crowd, only to find Bill clinging to his leg like an eight-year old to the last cherry popsicle, dragging him down and saving the score.

Not sure what the final scores were... and don't really remember all of the plays, but this reporter thinks everybody (maybe more so the guys in Green) had a pretty good time and played pretty darn well (probably slept pretty well last night too). Thanks. I had a really good time (and a lot of football dream last night, my second favorite kind of dreams (next to Nintendo)). Glad everyone could make it (from far and near). The video will soon be available (plus, if you buy now, you get Girls Gone Wild just for ordering... just for you, Kirk).