Ever wondered what it would be like if Dear Abby were a man?
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my best friend and me.
A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only
one of you he can only settle for the next best thing - your best friend. Far
from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of
your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe
you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure
then just perform oral on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about
it.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.
A: Do it. Sperm can help you loose weight and gives a great glow to your skin.
Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on
him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to
thank him by performing it twice a day. Then cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The man is
a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing
young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and
relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than
the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house too)!
Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home.
The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform
oral on him. Then cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it,
do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape
yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift.
To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious
meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training.
Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available
to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means
is that you do not love your man as much as you should - he should never have
to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make
it up to him by performing oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal.
Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep never giving
me one.
A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him
a nice meal.