10 Signs You Joined a Cheap HMO...

10. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.

7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "an apple a day."

5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

4. "Patient responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with little m's on them.

1. When you ask for Viagra, you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.