Subject: Headlines of 2050

- Texas Executes Last Remaining Citizen

- Court Clears AOLTimeWarnerGE-DisneyCiscoFordRJR-NabiscoExxon-Mobil of Monopoly Charges

- 50-Year Study: Diet and Exercise Key to Weight Loss

- Baby Conceived Naturally

- It Wasn't the Cigarettes

- It Was the Ashtrays

- Great and Benevolent Galactic Ruler Reveals That Anal Probes Were "Just For Fun"

- Mother Monica Dies: Revered Hero of Bangkok Slums Overcame Lurid Past With US President

- Florida to Be Readmitted to Union - Plague of Spotted Owls Threaten Crops, Livestock

- Wealthy Widow Anna Nicole Smith, 83, Weds Handsome Young Actor. "This Is True Love," He Beams.

- Construction Begins On Grenada War Memorial In DC

- President "Bonecrusher" Jones to Face Chief Justice "Mad Dog" Ortega In Cage Match

- Baltimore Rams Defeat St. Louis Ravens

- Pope Phil II Settles Custody Battle With Ex-Wife

- Upcoming NFL Draft Likely to Focus On Mutants

- Younger Generation's Music Provokes Outrage of Elders

- DC Zoo to Receive Rare Cow

- Authentic Year 2000 Chad Sells For $6.9 Million at Sotheby's

- Nursing Home Lawsuit Case: Clinton Denies Candy Striper's Allegations

- Elian Gonzales Drowns In Sea World Dolphin Tank

- New Madonna Video Banned on MTV For Geriatric Sexual Content